I hear you. What I do is to make sure I'M the initial contact, then I have my husband show up at the door randomly, so I can say, "Here I am sweetie! I'm with so and so." Then I get the star treatment unless the person is a stone racist.

If we're going into a small business (particularly small B&Bs,) then I let HIM check in and show up five minutes later with a big smile on my face. That way, no one can suddenly not have a reservation or have "made a mistake." I don't mind borrowing his white privilege. It gives the haters a lesson when they have to treat me the way they do him.