I hope you edit this response and publish it as your own piece. It is fantastic. As they say on Facebook, I was ROTFLMAO. I didn't mention fighting pests; I needed to limit it to nine for the title! However, squirrels eat the growing apples, bunnies eat the growing crocuses and lettuce, raccoons once devoured every grape, birds love the berries, and giant wild turkeys come to visit--we live in the city!

I'm frugal, but my dear husband, Steadfast Mister, has been known to surprise me with the occasional piece of twee British merchandise.

Kentucky? That's another planet whatsoever! Good luck. No, I have not been spying on you. I have had my old, gray head in the Baker Creek catalogue, ogling those 20 pages of tomatoes. All the claps for you!